How to: Need You, Not a MAN.

April 24, 2020

How do we become someone who feels as if they need somebody else in order to be happy? Is it possible what happened in our childhood years created this fear? Why are we so afraid to be alone? Why do we use love as an excuse for answers, when really it just becomes an interception of what we are to blind to see that to feel you need someone is your fear of abandonment.

These are questions that really make you think. Some people become suicidal over others, & others will even stay in abusive relationships just in order to not be alone. With no real closure, I think its impossible to love yourself if you don’t know yourself… in this case you will always feel NEED. Growing up we never imagine these challenges or even that you’d be living this reality.

Here are some starter steps on how to get out of feeling like you need somebody to be happy:

1. Realize you were born into this world by YOURSELF (unless you're a twin), you don’t actually NEED anyone in order to make it in life. You are supposed to rely on yourself first, if not only.

2. Move PAST your past: Whether it was a neglectful childhood or horrible past experience, work on getting the idea in your head that this is YOUR future. Move forward and be everything you couldn’t in your youth.

3. Love YOURSELF: If you don’t love yourself you are always going to THINK you need somebody in order to be happy. I guarantee if you do not love yourself first people will know that you need them and may use that against you by taking advantage of how you are.

4. Try your best not to be an open book, meaning DON’T wear your heart on your sleeve. Let someone gain your trust by earning your personal life, don’t just spill the beans!

5. Way out the pros and cons of needing someone in an healthy and unhealthy way— know the DIFFERENCE. Once you sort out the two this should become easier for you to understand what’s acceptable and what isn’t. If they give you ultimatums and are trying to make you feel like without them you are nothing… I hope you’re packing your bags as you read this.

6. Understand that if you don’t make yourself happy it will be near IMPOSSIBLE for somebody else to do so and satisfy your REAL needs.

7. Be Positive. Pessimism is NOT our friend, WE are our friend. You have to become your best friend to realize you don’t need anybody else to be happy. Love yourself, Go crazy— make time for yourself, learn more about yourself, travel, try new things… find out who YOU are.

8. KNOW YOUR WORTH

If 4/8 starter steps applied to you or may be things you do or feel, just know it all starts with you.

You’ve allowed yourself unknowingly to be this person who needs people more than themself. This person was me, so just know you aren’t alone. Sometimes our heart plays games with our mind but we are truly the first step in fixing these doubts.